I can't believe how my life is going. I got VNS implanted for depression and I am finding all this info on how it doesn't work that well. I am supposed to start feeling better soon but I don't know how long I can wait. I am taking a lot of time off of work and I am scared to go back because I know those people hate me. I try to justify not working to myself and others but it just sounds like a lot of bullshit. I feel like a total loser. I took meth two days ago. Supposedly I was going to quit doing drugs, go to work and basically get my life together. I failed again. I am dating a married man named Clarence, who I work with. I feel pretty comfortable around him most of the time. We don't see each other that much which is probably good, because it helps him remain nice to me. Maybe he won't get fed up with my shit. I am 36, living paycheck to paycheck, single and depressed. What kind of life is this? I think about suicide (usually when I am coming off drugs). If I lose my job, I don't know what other option I will have. I won't make enough money to support myself doing anything else. I have no money to keep myself afloat if I am not working. I am so scared! I know I am making all of these bad decisions, but I feel like I can't stop. What am I going to do?